Your Profile – Photo Do’s and Oh God, Please Don’t!

By: Cookie Feldstein

Your photos are just as important as your profile. And photos will get someone to look at your profile faster than they would look at a profile without photos. Yeah, you know it’s true. But this doesn’t mean you should put up just anything (meaning no driver’s license, passport, or old college ID photos). And though “the more the merrier” may apply to some things, putting up more than 6 or 7 photos can be a bit much for anyone looking at them (well maybe not to your mom, but she’s not going to be looking on this site—as far as we know). You do want to be up front and share a little about yourself—just not all at once, and on this type of venue.

Head shots
You’ll want a good head shot, and a shot showing people that a body does exist below your neck. What about one of you participating in a sporting event, playing tennis, volleyball, windsurfing, camping, fishing, riding a horse, your bicycle or Harley? You get the idea. Yeah, I know, how many shots do I honestly have of those things? Well, how about a couple of shots of places you’ve been that you really enjoyed that means something to you? They not only show you, but what you find interesting. Note: Leave out photos with your minor children’s faces in clear view as I view this as a security issue.

Blacked out faces

I run the other way when I see photos with a lone guy surrounded by people with creepy blacked out faces -- the worst of which appear something like the four horsemen of the apocalypse surrounding a broadly grinning guy holding a beer bottle in one hand with his other arm lost behind someone’s body.

That’s so nice of you not wanting to reveal the faces of your friends, relatives, old loves, etc., but give me a break! Guys, you seem to be guiltier of this than women, but you’re still not alone. Women, don’t do it. If you can’t take the time to actually crop the photo and make it look good, or just take a new photo, how do you think that makes you look?

As a woman looking at prospective date and seeing one or more photos of a guy surrounded by people with no faces (and these faceless wonders are usually women and most of the time this is quite obvious), then I start thinking that this guy is not really serious about finding a nice person to date. Or he thinks he’s so great that he doesn’t have to make an effort. And if he’s not making an effort and taking time to present himself well, what does that say about him?

And what about a guy looking at photos of a woman surrounded by men with no faces...get the picture?

And what about pictures that literally look like they’ve been ripped in half? Not a pretty picture!

Sunglasses

Wearing sunglasses or hats that shadow your eyes are a big “no” on your main photo. If you’re skiing down a mountain or pointing out the migrating whales from a tropical beach, or wearing a wetsuit and mask, that’s cool. But make sure you have at least one photo where I can see your face. I want to see your eyes. Covering them up with sunglasses says to me that you’re hiding something, whether or not it’s true. Don’t waste your time arguing. Just don’t do it!

Shirt or no shirt?

While checking out a myriad of dating sites, I’ve run across my share of guys who are not wearing shirts in their photos. Hey, I think it’s great that you take care of your body. You should be proud of it. At the beach, running a marathon, playing sports, in the water, all fine. But what about those other types of photos. You know which ones I mean. The ones where you guys think it’s sexy to show those rippling muscles, or your chest bared all the way done to your navel. Along with that type of pose, you usually see someone trying for that sly half-smile half-glance, come hither look. Most of the time, it doesn’t work.

My first thought is “Oh Jeez!” My second thought is “Oh Jeez!” To me, it can be a turn off. Why? Because I’m looking for someone who is not just about the physical side of things. And more often than not, that’s how these photos come across. When I really start thinking about it, I wonder if this is his way of telling me that’s that all there is to him – a body. And that’s fine, if that’s all I’m looking for.

Now don’t get me wrong! I enjoy seeing muscular guys sans shirts. I admit to walking a little more slowly past the magazine rack where Men’s Health is displayed. But seeing a bunch of photos of a shirtless guy on a mainstream, traditional dating web site where I want to meet a guy that’s serious about wanting to meet a woman for more than a quick tumble – I don’t think so.

Smile for the camera

If I took all the fingers and toes of all the players in any major sports league, I still wouldn’t have enough to count the number of times I’ve cringed at someone’s main photo (not to mention their other ones). Some of you just don’t know how to smile. Some of you actually grimace! If the first thing I see after your headline is a shadowy photo of a guy or girl not smiling, or actually grimacing, I flinch and immediately X out. No second chances here. I’m going to find someone that looks friendly, at least in the beginning.

If this is what the guy or girl actually looks like – Arrrgghh! That’s scary! What’s more, if they actually thought that this photo was an accurate representation of who they were well, that’s even scarier! AND if they actually thought there was nothing wrong with the photo, crikey! That’s even worse! What does that say about their taste? Please. Let’s not go there.

Taking your own photo

If you can’t take a better-than-decent photo of yourself without it looking distorted (like a part of your head is bigger than another part, or that you’re in a fishbowl), then don’t use your webcam or your cell phone! Duh! Have someone else take a photo of you. Someone whose judgment you trust. And that doesn’t mean your friend who just took his or her photo with his or her webcam or cell phone and finds nothing wrong with it!

Please, put down the beer bottles

If you’re trying to put your best foot forward, do you honestly think a picture of you holding a beer bottle looks attractive? It’s tacky at best. I’d rather see the webcam photo
(see above). And as far as cigarettes, ditto.

Arm crosses

Body language is something to be aware of, especially when you’re trying to attract prospective dates. Standing there with your arms crossed says to me “Keep out, stay away. I’m not letting you in.”

Doubles

Here’s something I don’t get. What’s the point of putting up several shots of you that look almost exactly the same? I still can’t figure that one out.

By now you must have a good idea of what types of photos shouldn’t be put up with your profile. We all know it’s all so subjective, but hopefully these guidelines will help you on your way to getting responses from the people YOU want to meet!

Technorati Tags:dating, online dating, tips, love, single, relationships, photos, dating online, cookie, over 40, divorced, feldstein, over forty
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator